100 Days of Quarantine
It’ll soon be 100 days of us sheltering in place. To quantify the last 100 days for me, that would be approximately…
87 family video chats
35 Youtube/ IG workouts
16 new recipes
14 weeks of working from home
10 big trips to the grocery stores
9 books
6 Zoom virtual volunteering sessions
2 social distancing picnics
1 physical hug from a stranger
100 days is no short time - especially when every workday feels like a Monday and every weekend feels like a Sunday. I started making daily logs of my wakeup and bedtime. I made to do lists for the smallest of tasks just to get the satisfaction of crossing something out and feeling productive. I stuck to a routine and formed new habits. I was actually quite proud of myself for picking up reading and cooking during this time, instead of spending time watching Tiger King.
And just when I think I finally reached a state of calm in the midst of chaos, more stuff gets thrown at you.
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.”
The last few weeks has been especially tough. It was summarized with moments of frustration, anxiety, doubt, and most often, a sense of hopelessness. I couldn’t bear watching the George Floyd video and couldn’t consume any news without getting angry. There is a lot to be said and a lot to be done, yet my voice felt silent and my world seemed to default to business as usual. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I broke down crying listening in on an open circle discussion at work. I am ashamed of not giving proper attention to the deeply rooted racial and social injustice in our society, as not being a racist and simply acknowledging wrongdoing isn’t enough. I realize how inadequate I am with the topics when I couldn’t find proper words to explain the issues to my young students. I wanted to educate myself on systemic racism and policing to be able to have an open discussion with them. All growth starts with discomfort, and all progress from struggle. As I prep for our last virtual learning session, I realize I am giving myself the lesson.
“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
While a lot was lost in this time period, I’d like to think I gained some too.